Cuffing Season

Cuffing season is upon us.

Movies, blankets, cuddling up to get warm, fireplaces, candles, sweaters, warm socks at the end of intertwined legs, the jolt of someone else's cold nose touching yours when you first start to kiss, hands warm from holding mugs of tea pressed up against the cold of the inside of your thigh,  the particular kind of chill that runs down your body only in the fall and winter when a lover kisses your ear, kicking the covers off of your sweating bodies even though you were freezing just a few minutes ago.


Sugar and spice and everything nice; dirt and rain and semen.



---



k.

(image: Angel Series, Rome, 1977-1978 Francesca Woodman)

The Scent of Cinnamon Laced Into My Brastraps

What being in school has taught me is the power of focus.

If I focus, full force, on reading, writing, studying then, when I am done, I get to focus, full force, on enjoyment. Of food. Of my body. Of music. Of flirtation. Of everything.  I love it.

I finished the little-but-strict 5 page research paper that was supposed to be tonight at midnight by 1:40pm today.  Which means I've gotten to

enjoy
every
bit
of
everything.

Even though I have a bit of a cold, I am still looking forward to Indian food and a movie (for class, yes, but it's just a regular movie!) and the smell of a fire and blankets and good company and warm tea because, well, I still have a bit of a cold.

It has been a very good week.

Next week will be as well.

I hope everyone is doing well out there.   My absolutely favorite season of the year is beginning, and I could not be happier about it and the delicious aspects of my senses that it involves.

Let it be known, without humor or sarcasm, that if you ever want to get in my good graces, one avenue is to bring me the largest caramel-covered apple with nuts that you can find.



Be well; be loved,

k.

(Image: Tokyo, 1978, Daido Moriyama)

Mother of the House of No Shame

Everything is lining up as of late in such a tailored way that is, almost, unbelievable. The most recent reveal was four days ago. I laughed out loud at the person that informed me that I would be getting a small portion of one of the goals I'm working towards paid for. The laughter was out of shock and not-so-shock. Shock because I hadn't even asked for it. Not-so-shock because when you are on the right path, some things just...happen. I'm feeling incredibly grateful. I'm also feeling fascinated with the level of intricacy in which things are unfolding.

(pause)

I've been thinking a lot lately about Frankenstein, about the eugenics movement, about history and about racism: my own socialized racism and the racism that is wound into and around everyone in history and present day from different angles.

I'm also thinking, tonight, about this lyric from this one RuPaul song. It says "I'm a femme queen: Mother of the House of No Shame".  I think about that lyric a lot. Any time I hear it, I feel it right down into my bones. No shame allowed. People don't get to shame my friends. They don't get to shame me. They don't get to shame anyone if they are in my presence.

I'll never shame someone to get their attention. I'll never shame someone to get them to love me. It's not how I get love. It's not how I want to get love.

My love for myself, for my family, and even for the people who shame stands with thick, solid legs that have remained, unmoved, by everything from threats to insults to legal documents to slashed tires to posters put up with my name on a list of people who should kill themselves.  My love stares, unmoved and unblinkingly, into the face of people who have done these things, or who have tried to force a response by taking shots at everything from mental health, to intelligence to my relationship with my father. (Pro tip: Don't take shots at any of these things with people. It is ugly, unnecessary, and just makes yourself look ignorant and/or really, really bad.)

It doesn't get anywhere with me. I don't know why it would. It doesn't have much to do with me. Their actions reflect more on to their own hearts, their own relationship with themselves, their own love-that-they-should-have-had-growing-up-but-didn'ts.

I remain exactly, warmly rooted right where I am in my house along with those whom I love and whom love me. It is the house that I built for myself, and for the people that I love. 

Shame isn't how things are done in my house.

Anyone who is in it knows that.

Anyone who is outside of it knows that, too.



be well; be loved,

k.

(title: Said Rupaul lyric)
(image: Self-Portrait, 2006, Shinichi Maruyama )
(Shout out to the one and only TS Madison because she teaches and reinforces this shit I'm talking about almost every day. She is the absolute queen of no shame bad ass boldness and in that, she's a total role model. )

Warm hands

Be good to yourself tonight/today/tonight.  Always, but especially now.

be well; be loved,

k.