Today I heard a laugh that made me think of you, who I used to date, who laughed like Alf: A monosyllabic, almost yell of a laugh. I loved it and found it endlessly funny.
You were the same person that would try and Aries me (think: ram) into watching that television show Transparent when I had said a zillion times I had no interest in watching a cis person pretend to be trans.
And what do you know? In the weeks leading up to me dumping you, he would be found out to be a fucking sexual creep to multiple trans people who worked on the show and, more or less, be the end/fall of the show.
When I found out I remember thinking to myself
"See? This is why.
But not only why.
I hope you enjoyed
your must-see show..."
Then I coughed out my own rendition
of your Alf laugh
into an empty room.
***
The summer is upon us and
hands upon my thighs
sticky with lemonade
is the only thing I want to feel.
I love days like today.
Days when my smile spreads out as far as my legs
and for equal reasons.
(pause)
I have an affinity for that fake front tooth of yours.
The one that's as convincing
as if you had shoved a white Chiclet up into your gums.
It's the tooth that replaced the one that was knocked out
when you were gay-bashed with your girlfriend
when you were young.
You never really grew into the tooth the way the dentist had expected.
When you smile
your mouth smirks to hide the broken-stick-of-chalk:
A habit now read as something between
shyness
and slyness.
I know it's rational that now,
as an adult with dental care,
you would get it replaced
with today's technology
and matching enamel.
Just let me admire its unnatural white for a bit longer.
Out here in the sun:
Out here in the middle of this dry grass field
that we have hidden ourselves in.
No need for a picnic blanket
or expensive crackers.
Simply the sun
and our bikes
and the glow of your smile.
I have the oddest inclination to kiss it:
This White-Out white, too-large tooth
that kept you from having to wear your scars in your smile
in those years most tender to touch.
k.
