Friday, September 30, 2016

How You Touch Me Three Days Before Arriving

If I could tell you everything, I surely would.


Recently,  have been researching the character of Pierrot. There are so many places in music and theater and film and art that he shows up. Slight variations, but always recognizable. The interpretations are astounding. Pierrot is a character I had never been aware of but once named- I recall seeing him everywhere.

The image, here, is Aubrey Beardsley's piece entitled The Death of Pierrot.  Pierrot is there, on the far left, dead or dying in the bed. The skullcap upon his head is nodded fowards, as are the ruffles about his collar and wrists. His pale white face and delicate hands.


There is a taste in my mouth of a human craving. I know you will be away for a bit.  The closing of these chapters are exciting.  Our meetings - of handed off envelopes and of tongues at night- are electric. The pieces of you that you find boring or too classic are exactly those I enjoy diving deeper into.  The best lessons are those that are explored alone, only to return together and improve them.

I will see you soon, or I will see you in roughly six months from now. The ghost of your spirit is upon me when there are hardly city lights at night and so, to some degree, it makes no difference.

Пока ; Пока as they say.

be well; be loved,


Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Magic Horse

Life has been a beautiful capsule as of late.

I have felt loved. Supported. Stimulated. Desired. Effective.

All of these are good things.

Reading and pleasures of the body are in the same category for me, so I can't percentage them out for you.

I can just say that I have been incredibly satisfied as of late. 


I like the flirtations that continue to exist because of who we are.

The phone calls that I get come to me from within the thick dark that only exists behind theater curtains. I enjoy the mismatched image of theater make up smeared upon the bright display of a cellphone screen pressed against an ear, a cheekbone, a bit of mouth.

You are from another era, that is certain.

So am I.

I find it funny to have you extend your white gloved hand,
an offer to lead me into the dark,
and have it met with the black smooth leather

of mine. 


(image: Phil Leonard's Flickr via redfoxintheart tumblr)

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Filter of Philtre

Half awake after being up at 4:30 am this morning to get to work.  My deep respect to everyone who is up and en route to work at this hour.

I'm currently sitting at a cafeteria table that is smudged with greasy fingerprints, but was the cleanest of the lot. I've just finished something that resembles macaroni and cheese. 

I'm thinking about how I will always join with the people who don't fit in. It's not a defiant teenager thing- it's just something that I picked up while growing up:  People who are left out or rejected from society for reasons of language, disability, looks, job, lifestyle, weight, religion and lack there of, speech impediment, skin condition, social ineptness, gender expression, point on the Autism Spectrum, family, gait of walking, or any other number of reasons under the sun will always be in my little army. They are the people you can learn the most from. They are the people who have insight to shit that will blow your mind open.

I get all warm and gushy when I think of how the one thing I can be certain of with my friends is that - no matter how different they are from each other- they will always accept each other on a certain level. I like and value this about my friends. Somehow we all know what it is like to be outside of things- even if it is for very different reasons. It's nice to know that no matter who I introduce a new friend to, I will be introducing them to a home that will accept them in their entirety and just as they are upon introduction.

I love them. 

My friends.

I love my friends. 

Such an obvious thing to say, but something worth saying every day. 

be well; be loved,


(image: via tumblr. It may or may not be from The Windsor Magazine, 1902)

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Gentlemen, Turn Out Your Pockets; Ladies, Empty Your Purses: Three Bits of Life as of Late


Today, this September 7th of 2016, was part of something larger that I can't quite articulate.  Do you ever have something that, for years, you feel you'll never be able to let go of and then, one day, while multitasking, you simply let it all fall to the floor and wash away with the rain?

I'm being too sloppily poetic, here.

Let me just say that an event from almost four years ago has been finally put to rest in its understanding and function.  The casket is closed, and the spirits have been raised.

It feels good yet strangely uneventful.


Here's what I know is true as of late. And by late, here, I mean the better part of this entire year thus far:

If you are a person who puts too much stock in riding the coattails of another
If you are a person who needs to be around someone all of the time
If you are a person who is perpetually trying to "save" the nearest shit show you call a friend (or a date, as the case may be)
If you are abusive or unpredictable in the bad way

I will more than likely not be interested in being around you
or investing in a friendship with you.

It is boring.
It is codependent.
It is invasive.
It is utterly uninteresting.

[I am in love with being in this space.  Thank you to people like TS Madison and a duo who will remain nameless who know what it's like to work to become who you are in life - or to even get the chance to.]


As an important aside:

Neurodiversity is a thing, folks.

Just because *you* don't mind applause and small talk doesn't mean that everyone is into it.  Just because you can go on trips with groups of people and want to be around them from sun up until sun down doesn't mean everyone can.  Just because you think someone is rude or too direct doesn't mean that what they're saying isn't 100% on point.

[Also: If people need alone time or a quiet room and you take that personally, you're just a neurotypical asshole.]

be well; be loved,


P.S. I still can't get over how bizarre but interesting but wonderful life is.  I like that my life is one that involves one of my best friends being witness to a living puppet possibly telling me off.  (Fair enough, I say.)

(image via amortentia tumblr)
(title: a quote from the movie Clue)