A few weeks back, in October, I had written a line with two people in mind. It read :"With bullies and liars it's only a matter of time."
You have no idea.
Let me back up.
About two months ago, I did some really brave things having to do with a person who sexually assaulted me. I can't go into it here, but, suffice it to say that I named him as an assaulter in contexts I had to. The contexts and manner were balls out and completely unapologetic. It is his shame, not mine. (I know I should not be ashamed. It is a struggle. It's the nature of sexual assault and living in a society that rarely believes people. Anyone who has been sexually assaulted will tell you this. Shout out to all of my sexual partners literally any year after this assault happened. I can't tell you how much trust this strips. Every consensual touch, kiss, fuck, fist, and snuggle serves to build that trust back again.)
Thank you to all of the friends, friends of friends, and strangers that completely support people in dealing with bullies/harassers and assaulters.
What, strangely, has made it easier is that I have an email written by him that he wrote to all of his friends and some of mine stating what he had done. The email was not consensual. He did it hoping I would forgive him and we would continue to date. Because of course that's what he thought. It is the mind of a fucking rapist. The email was just another way assaulters take and push and decide and do whatever the fuck they want.
One of the contexts I addressed this shit was related to an event which, each year for many years, I would work for this one entity in the community. Last year, he was hired there. When the entity contacted me to work the event I said thank you but no, a person you hired assaulted me. I kept it short, warm, and professional. Below my signature, I included a forwarded copy of the email he had written.
Not my shame.
Let these motherfuckers burn in their own stealing of sex.
It felt good to let his typed violation serve as testimony of his actions.
There's nothing to argue with when it is coming straight from his disgusting mouth.
[Fast forward roughly two months]
Today I found out that he has been fired from his job for a number of reasons.
A coworker of his told a good friend of a good friend of mine, K "in case they were friends". K was like "Fuck no we aren't friends. Do you want to know why?" K told her all of the reasons. My name came up at some point and the coworker said that he was fired for reasons beyond that and K was like "cool he should be fired because he sucks". The coworker at first was like "I don't know, my partner has known him for 10 years" to which K said "I've known a lot of shitty people for 10 years. I'm glad for whatever the combo of reasons you fired him and hell no we're not friends."
Fuck YES.
The most bad ass part of this story is that I've never even met K. Not yet, anyway. What a motherfucking bad ass. THAT is the kind of support that sheds mountains of shame in one instant. I literally felt it fall. I am so grateful. For all of it.
***
Here is to supporting each other and supporting ourselves.
"With bullies and liars, it's only a matter of time."
That shit will catch up to you
and there are plenty of people who will make sure that it does.
be well; be loved,
k.
(image: Yet another of Milla)
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