Earlier today, I was sitting in my car in a grocery store parking lot after getting my flu shot when a man yelling at the air and then singing at the air and then yelling at the air tried to sit on my car hood while doing so. He turned toward me as he leaned upon my hood and howled.
As it rained and as he yelled and sang, it made me think of a person from long ago (ten years?). The person from long ago would lose her mind from time to time. Sometimes, too fucked up on drinks and prescriptions to be able to drive home. Sometimes leaving frantic,wild voicemails. Sometimes pleading. Sometimes crying. Many saying things that just didn't make sense. Eventually I had to set the boundary that I would not be able to be in the same room with her again without a therapist present. (Caring about a person is one thing, but we all need boundaries to 'protect our peace' as they say.) She sent me a video of her lighting her own childhood photo on fire. Then a year later, on New Year's Day, she sent me an email telling me she had moved to my childhood hometown and sent me a photo of the house she had bought there. Then about a year later, she contacted me concerned that she thought someone was looking at pictures of me on a photography site she kept. Once, about four years ago? I messaged with her briefly. She asked to meet up. I said no. Four years later, she sent me emails accusing me of looking at a photograph website she has. When I let her know that I didn't know her photo website so no, it wasn't me, she sent email after email after email. (Thank you to C who read them for me since I had to stop reading them after a bit because they were too disjointed, paranoid, odd.) Perhaps the funniest email (I know I am supposed to be serious about this but sometimes, how can you be?) before I passed the reading-baton to C was one that consisted of nothing but middle finger emojis.
Eventually, the man stopped yelling and cussing and got off of the hood of my car. The thump of his feet on wet pavement snapped me out of that momentary memory that had been sparked by his odd behavior. He stood in front of my car. Then he leered at me, broke into a smile, and ran off- almost frolicking- to his next foray.
Be well; Be loved;
K.
P.S. Went with S. to a Yom Kippur service put on by a Pro-Palestinian Jewish community last week. It was the first time I have ever been in the same room as one of those huge Torahs that I've seen in photographs and on YouTube. I'm still thinking about many of the things that were said and sung in that room, and still thinking of the visual that was that sea of people all wearing white as they faced the year to come.
[Image credit: Nik via unsplash]
