In Love and Ode to the Top Shelf Billers

Currently:

1) Excited about my resume re-vamp and where it is going.

2) Very excited and chomping at the bit to go on an excursion I have been planning for tomorrow. The weather is perfect for it.  Ferries, water, a packed picnic (I can't take credit for this one) and a map of all sorts of stuff to check out.

3) About to slip into the exact night I have been craving for a very, very long time.

(pause)

I had the best conversation with a long time friend and ex of mine today who is one of many genius hearts I am blessed to have in my life.  He somehow has these genius gems that he comes out with all of the time.

This time, it had to do with the concept of "Top Shelf Billers".

To break it down: We all know that top shelf alcohol is the most expensive kind. So, if you were to order a few drinks and have them automatically made with the top shelf shit, you know it's going to be super expensive.

Anyway, he was talking about the concept of *people* who are Top Shelf Billers.  Meaning people who, when they are upset, go straight for the top shelf. No middle shelves; no well alcohol.  So what happens with them is that, any time their feelings are hurt, you get billed to the maximum. Every single time. No matter if they were hurt that you showed up later than you said you would or if you straight up sold all of their shit while they were away from their apartment: It is all viewed through the same lens, and it is all going to be billed Top Shelf.

I found this to be both hilarious and entirely accurate.  With Top Shelf Billers, what you learn is that - without some kind of intervention- you can't keep going to their bar.  It's just too expensive.  Sure, you may love the shit out of the bar and  might want to go in there but, if you do, you have to do so knowing that you are going to walk out with a huge ass bill that you will probably never be able to pay.

That sounds about right.

I've dated a Top Shelf Biller. And, while I know she meant well and that there are plenty of painful/understandable/heartbreaking reasons for her top shelf billing, it's just not sustainable if left unchecked.

Anyway. The conversation was needed and hilarious.

My absolutely favorite combo:

Loving, laughable, and completely fucking on point.



Now that is something I will always toast to.



Be well; be loved,

K.

(image: via jerry's eyes tumblr Striated Inna B-G)
(song lyric that influenced this would be me saying "I realize I'm just too much for you" from Beyoncé's  Don't Hurt Yourself )

Follow Me Into the Unknown (The Love of Family)

 I also knew that, in spite of everything, I had to protect her.
                                       
                                                --from Snow by Roberto Bolaño


The beauty of family is that, even when they are pissed at you or you are pissed at them, they are still there to hold you. Literally; figuratively. Chosen family is no different, although there are those who believe it is. Sometimes, people who have the privilege of family of origin miss the most obvious fact:  If one must choose their family, there is no point in settling for a wilted offering of family that doesn't show up for each other. Which is to say: A charity offer of 'family' isn't something I'm interested in.  It reminds me of the wealthy ladies that would try and donate their half used lipsticks to the domestic violence shelter I used to manage.  When we would say "no thanks", they seemed appalled: How dare survivors of domestic violence not happily accept their gross-ass, half slobbered-on, reeking-of-perfume designer lipsticks, right?

Fuck off.

Everyone deserves and has standards and dignity, and that doesn't lower based on how people who should have loved them have treated them.  If you wouldn't accept something, yourself, stop and think about why it is you would offer it to other people.

(pause)

The past few days have been beautiful and inspiring. Speaking of chosen family, I have been hanging out with a loved one as we inspire/encourage/support each other in some pretty epic and exciting stuff. (Scary, but exciting!).  I love the conversations we are able to have.  I love the nerdy and loving space we have created over the years. One thing I love about this level of family is that you can be gross and silly and funny and ridiculous and talk about, well, pretty much anything.  From dripping menstrual blood on the bathroom tile to the inherent sexiness of people with state jobs.

Tonight we will be carrying out a plan that has been in the making for a while, now. It's going to change some things. Move some things. Put some things into action.

I'm excited, and I'm ready.

Here's to family you build with.

With them, you are unstoppable.

Right as rain, and all of the other sayings, here.

Now let's get to it.



Love,


k.


P.S. A toast to the brief Zeb, Jodi and me FaceTime extravaganza.  Same cloth. Same love.

 (image: Ming Xi as photographed in Vogue China, September 2012 via Pivovaroward Tumblr)