I Don't Wanna Kiss Right Now. You're Probably Just What I Need But I Can't Stand Your Mouth.

Things feel pretty good.  This past weekend I updated everything I needed to, wrote a solid cover letter, and submitted an application for a job I already know can take up to three months to even get an interview at.  Step by step. We will see if we are an employment match for each other, after all.

Lately I've been feeling relatively grounded in life. Things feel both good and fun and sad at the same time. Sometimes it can be hard to set a limit around how you'll allow yourself to be talked to when someone else is having a hard time. The limit setting isn't hard. It's knowing that, in doing so, things will more than likely end. ("Anything you lose by being honest, you never really had to begin with, my love.") At the same time, it's good to be able to recognize worth and lesson. To recognize what I have and what I want: internally; externally.

It's been interesting to navigate themes related to dating. My heart and mind as it relates to relationships are simply occupied at present. I've learned a long time ago not to force past feelings. It will just get sloppy.

Dates can be another thing entirely, but, it's rare that people know their limits in that arena.  Usually people will say they're cool with something just being a date when, in actuality, they view it as a foot in the door towards a relationship. That's just not gonna happen right now. Fags usually understand this the most and that's why I end up hanging out with them. No sense in making anything complicated. My primary relationship is with reading, writing and studying two particular topics that I am completely consumed by right now.

[Although don't get me wrong. I will always enjoy a bottom never allowed to touch me who knows how to serve: https://instagram.com/p/Bix3m8Fh3vd/]

Sometimes people want to be everything to you.  They can't be. That doesn't diminish the bond. It clarifies and strengthens it.

As always, it's good to know my limits. People may get mad at them or push at them or say stupid shit trying to peer pressure me into going on dates, but it's not going to work. I may be filthy as fuck, but I'm also a romantic. All of these things happen at the same time, and in my time. Your badgering, cajoling, comparisons to your former relationships, and "let's just have some fun/I'll get you over it"s (barf) is not going to get anywhere with a strict faggot femme that knows hir limits, hir passions, hir desires and, most importantly, hir heart.

In the meantime, I've been reading Varamo by César Aira.

It is a thin, well written book so far.

I'll leave you with a sentence from it that I enjoyed:

He too had to cross the square, but first he had to cross the street, which he did with care: it was the moment when the drivers of the senior public servants started up their cars and engaged in all kinds of maneuvers to secure the most convenient positions for their bosses. 




Be well; be loved,

k.



(title: lyrics from Oyster by Jawbreaker)
(image via lezmygypsysoul tumblr )
(quote in the second paragraph from Jessica Lanyadoo)