The universe dropped not one but two situations in my lap to address that I was recently rightfully called out on for not addressing. It created one of those moments (times two) when you do the right thing - no matter who is watching and no matter whose life you are currently banned from.
The universe is funny and consistent in how it moves swiftly and surely to make sure that I am delving into my best self. It just felt odd to have both situations dropped so plainly into my lap to right/address.
But I raised to the challenge. And, no matter the witness-less auditorium, I was successful.
(pause)
Sometimes it can take me up to a week and some change to talk to someone I care about or am in the process of knowing about something that has made me uncomfortable.
I had one of those conversations tonight.
It was short, deep, necessary and understood.
The strangest part was that I had bookmarked the conversation for tonight by telling her I had something to tell her. But she had also told me she had a question to ask me but that she'd wait until we were in person. It turns out we both had things we needed to get off of our chests- albeit very different in their content.
It felt good.
In the midst of what she was saying she said "...and I knew you had a good intention, so I wasn't worried about it...". And there it was: That weird healing that happens when someone assumes the best running its tender finger across my heart. An assumption of goodness simply because...why wouldn't they?
It is important to build with people.
Piece by
piece
with lots of
peace.
(pause)
These days, in general, have just been filled with weird things.
Things like not being able to figure out what the mystery trash smell in your spotless house is. Then you open the washing machine and just start fucking laughing because you ran a load of laundry a week ago and never moved it to the dryer. (So much for presence.)
Things like getting flowers and your heart jumping in hopes they are from one person, but them being from another. You feel kind of guilty for the let down, but feel it nonetheless.
Things like being in a room with 18 second graders and overhearing conversations among multiple kids about their interactions with ghosts and it both fascinates and scares the shit out of you because they are speaking about it so matter-of-fact-ly.
Things like having a taste of joy with a person you love on a rooftop in the sun with good food and hilarity and, somehow, it tanking anyway.
(pause)
I've been thinking a lot about commitment as of late. How it is built and not just said. The depth of it. How long it lasts.
I've been thinking about words versus the value of simply spending time with someone.
"I care about you"
versus
standing on a bridge together, chucking rocks down into the uncertain waters below, and the threads that lace us together in the simple experience of it. A memory solitary and shared, all at once.
be well; be loved,
k.
(title: a general summary of things)
(image: Pierre Soulages, Peinture 260 x 202 com, 19 juin 1963 oil on canvas via yvonneconstance tumblr)
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