Sometimes there is a way that a person can love you that has nothing at all to do with who you are.It's lonely-feeling.
It's that day when you were a child and you wanted to die but, instead, had to walk home from school, watching your feet shuffle gravel as you gripped the shoulder straps of your backpack.
Sometimes it doesn't take an entire group of people to make you feel left out and unwanted.
Sometimes it can be just one.
**
My friends are wise. They say things that make me want to quote them. Here are two:
"I think because I'm so open maybe people see that as strength as well, so people don't expect me to have feelings about particular things and the reason why someone like you and I are strong is because we allow ourselves to be sensitive and it's totally O.K. It's unfortunate that people tend to misread it and either cater to their expectations of a strong person or tend to walk on eggshells around strong people. Instead, they should see it as a site of comfort and they should just relax, you know?"
and
"The notion people have of capturing, taming, and training the wild cat inside is so normal, yet SO TIRED. I feel I've been in that dance 1,000 times before. Find a new ploy, hunters! We have grown tired of your customary games."
**
I've been thinking of depression, lately. And wondering if people can sense it. When you are using every bit of your energy to keep your heart and organs in place, to keep the dark from casting visibly across the color of your eyes: Do people know? Or do they just think you are tired? Daydreaming. Thinking.
I've been pinned with many awards of stoic beauty and seriousness all the while dying and feeling that my face was going to slide off.
**
To the people who have "Laugher is the Key" bumper stickers like the one I saw tonight, on my way home:
I read this and I just hear a more fitting quote thread through my mind.
People kill me these days
There's keys in their eyes
but they're locked from the inside.
k.
(last quote by Blake writing for Jawbreaker)
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