This weekend I received a very beautiful sentiment (compliment?) from someone who has been in my life, in one form or another, for over ten years.He told me that a particular experience in our relationship to each other had made a huge impact on him. He told me that at a point in time when he made some odd/not so great decisions in his life, I had let let him know that love is big enough to have room for messiness. And then I acted on that. While the majority of the people in his life were shaming him, blaming him, politicizing every misstep he had taken, that I had held onto him without throwing a shame fest at him. Given some of the specifics of what the situation was, I had told him more or less that I loved him and that, when he felt he had something different/better to offer, to be in touch with me. Which he was, every year, roughly. Until about three years ago when he, indeed, had something very different to offer.
And we have been connected, again and more consistently, ever since that time.
And so, there we were, yesterday morning, sitting in the sun just after 10 in the morning, telling each other what we have meant to each other over the years. Talking about what our connections are and always have been. Our mutual inspiration to/for/on each other. The love of the complexity of each others mind.
He said something to the extent that the experience with me, in contrast to what he had been experiencing at that time from other sources, made him realize and wonder when shaming someone is ever the answer to something.
I thought about that.
I think he's right.
It never is the answer to something, really.
How strange and beautiful that I can glean lesson from an insight someone gained as a product of my love. It makes me feel good. Proud? Humbled.
[I learned a lot about not bullying by being and hanging out with people who have been bullied in their homes; in the society at large.
Sometimes the judgey, shame-y thing seems so steeped in privilege. The holier than thou politic-os that seem more invested in patting themselves and each other on the back for their ideas, than in doing any real bridging of experiences and realities. Because to do so means that you *will* be wrong. You *will* "look ignorant". You *will* not have the answer. But these are the things revolutions are made out of. I remember Matthew talking with me about this. About how bits of revolution exists within these types of struggles. That these struggles *are* the revolution. It exists and builds within these types of reachings, collaborations, coalitions, and bridges.]
Love is, indeed, a transformative force.
For everyone involved in creating, tending to, and maintaining it.
Keep doing it (Love).
be well; be loved,
k.
(image via misanthropicmessiah tumblr)
