The Peace We Build and the Hands it Touches

There's a person I supervise who is around eighteen or so. When she first started working under me, there were some boundary issues: I'm an obvious queer; so is she. She would wait until people weren't around and ask me questions that were in kind of a gray area of things related to queerness. One day she asked me if I thought it was wrong that she was thinking of asking a woman out who was significantly older than her.  I decided to use it as an opportunity to tighten up some boundaries.  I told her, "Well, I can't have this conversation with you because I am your supervisor and that gets into boundary stuff that I'm not comfortable with. But what I can say is that you should talk with folks you trust about it, and that you should always feel respected and safe in any relationship that you are in."

Over the next almost year, everything goes fabulously.  We are able to talk about life (including queer related things -events on campus, film, etc. etc.) and are just generally able to have a good work related relationship to each other that is hilarious and productive.

So two nights ago I go into work and we are chatting and she tells me about a youth drag show that happened in the city.  She said that each youth drag king and queen was paired with a drag mentor. "Anyway", she said, "they asked everyone in the crowd to think about a person who is a queer role model for them. Someone who is a role model in just being out and simply living their lives unapologetically. You being super out here made me feel like I could be out here, too. So I just want you to know that you are that person for me."

Of course I stifled bursting into tears and, instead, simply started to glow. I told her I appreciated that very much and that I felt like I was winning the most valuable kind of award.

I was.

I'm pretty sure I'm still glowing from that.

(pause)

The universe, through situations like this and the one with Scoob and a few others has really been letting me know that what I believe in my heart of hearts really is true: That setting boundaries with people is not pushing them away, it is what allows you to become closer.  That boundaries are one of the most necessary components to love.  I'm being reminded that it is within boundaries that we are able to be who we are, get what we need, and become close in ways that are as deeply impactful as they are lasting.


be well; be loved,


k.

(image: A young Catholic wears a gasmask during clashes with British troops after a night of teargas and street fighting, Derry, 1969, Hans-Jörg Anders via secretcinema1 tumblr)