Things feel good.
Toenails painted a cinnamon red. Fresh out of the warmest shower ever. Wet hair combed. Feet propped up on a chair as I type.
I've been thinking a lot about boundaries as of late. How for people socialized as women, who by definition are supposed to be at the disposal for every man and his dog and cow and pile of crap in his backyard, setting boundaries goes against every grain of of socialization.
For people who grew up in abuse and violence (something that, inherently, seeks to destroy and has no regard for one's body, mind, or emotional well being), setting boundaries goes even more against the grain of the lessons they were taught.
It's for these reasons- and everything within them- that I am entirely unapologetic when I set them.
What I've noticed over my life is the following:
The people who don't see value in themselves having boundaries are the ones who will hate or resent you when you have them. That is their own lesson to learn. They may act entitled to your time and to your attention. Simply put: They are not.
The people who do see the value in themselves having boundaries are the ones who tend, not only to respect them, but to actively support them. They are the ones who will become some of the most fabulous people in your life. They can also just simply be characters in your day that you appreciate.
A former boss of mine once told me "I would love to play poker with you" summing up the fact that she knew exactly how I felt about things and what she could expect from me. There was nothing hidden or obscured. There was no claim or promise I would make that I couldn't back up. As it relates to boundaries, it is the same. One knows what to expect from me. I won't be compelled by crying, anger, or confessions to cross my own boundary. Follow the boundary, and we'll be alright. Try to dig up under it, go around it, throw crap at it, or bully me into taking it down and you'll just see what it means to see an unmovable, unbreakable person in action.
There's a lot I've done in life. There is a lot more I will continue to do. Boundaries make sure that no one is wasting my time. Boundaries make sure I'm being treated how I deserve to be. In turn, these boundaries are what lets the people in my life, and the people still to come into my life, know that I'll respect and support their boundaries. This has been something that comes up a lot and has been a point of pride for me. It feels good to know that the people in my life feel this way about me. It is important.
(pause)
This has been a love letter to boundaries, more or less.
And a cheer and an encouragement to all of you out there that feel pangs of guilt sometimes when you set them. That happens sometimes. Especially if you are one of the folks who are even *less* expected to have them. Keep setting and having boundaries. They matter.
Because you do.
Be well; be loved,
k.
This entire post inspired by this song released six days ago that I can't stop listening to Yep.
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