The Gorgeous Hearts That Make Up My Net (as in, Trapeze) and Life

Part I

Would you tell me what it was that opened your heart?

There was a key I had found long ago.  

Not quite on the bottom of the ocean, for it had washed ashore.

I put it in my pocket that one day. When I was sick but we were by the ocean. I put it deep into my pocket and pressed it close to my leg.

I remember watching you walk out into the water.  It seemed to be something that you needed. 

While you were out in the ocean, I walked up and down the beach, wondering if the sand could fill my heart: It had only to do with family.

You came out and asked if I would take your picture.  

Of course I would: You know how much I always enjoyed making you look and feel as beautiful as possible. As handsome. As confident.

I took the picture. I tried to capture the sea inside your hair- inside your eyes.  

I knew it already existed, there.

You moved too fast.  
I was scared. 
I tried to keep pace. 
I couldn’t. 
So I stopped all of that. 
But you kept going.


So here I am:  

You out to sea

and me on this beach contemplating the sand.


Part II

Exhale, eyes closed, head flopped backwards and face pointing directly to the sky.

Exhale, again.

Today was full of meetings and discussions.

Today was a healing of something that left two and a half years ago, and the ending of something that had been going on for roughly the same amount of time.  

It's strange how life is like that:  Healingly cyclical at times.

What I loved about today:  A harried phone call from a loved one in New York simply wanting to cough out their feelings about a person we both know well. His laugh makes me smile and relax.  His thoughts, and how he ties them together, make me feel less alone in uniqueness. 

(pause)

I'm searching for lesson in the midst of the smoke of the demolition around me. 

You can give your love to a friendship but if it's not being reciprocated, at some point, you just have to let it go.

Don't give someone your everything and then turn around to settle with their "some things." Pour your all into someone who pours theirs all into you. - some guy named Lloyd Barker

He's right. 

Surprisingly/unsurprisingly so.

(pause)

Sometimes, there is too much heartache that happens at the same time.

Sometimes,  the only thing you can do is count your breaths. 

Exhale. 

Exhale, again.

k.