Click here and play it. If you can, open another tab and have it playing in the background as you're reading this.
If you are familiar with the song, chronologically, Jamie sings about someone cumming on his lips. Later in the song he sings about a 'star filled night kneeling down before...your deformed penis". Here I must vent a bit: The moment he sang the word "penis", half of the girlfriends in the room had a quick veil of panic glide past their faces and, quite literally, clung to their boyfriends. They began randomly kissing their boyfriends "passionately" for the duration of the song.
As no surprise to me, while kissing their girlfriends, the boyfriends kept their gaze locked on Jamie as he sang.
(pause)
It made me think of a particular strand of homophobia that I experience. For me, it is perhaps the most painful kind of homophobia~ at least emotionally. It has to do with some straight people peripherally in my life- specifically some male partners of female people in my life. It's difficult to articulate. I get along with the man. I get along with the woman. But when the three of us are together, there is an aggressive suspicion that the man has with me and his female partner. Like if she and I talk "too much" together, or laugh "too much" with each other. That's when these weird homophobic comments start. "You two are acting like you're going to make out." "Oh, do you want me to leave the two of you alone?" "You're not going to leave me for her, are you?"...Things that completely do not fit the situation and things I can almost guarantee would never be said if they did not know I was queer and if they weren't a straight person who is mostly around straight people. But these are the same guys saying that "gay people should be able to marry" and "end homophobia" and all of that partially mainstream jargon.
And when it happens, it freaks me out. This guy who was normal and funny and silly the day before is now interacting with me in this aggressive manner fired by that typical and tired narrative of "If you're gay than you must like my girlfriend" and "queer as lecherous recruiter" shit.
Sure, I could go into an analysis here of how it devalues my friendship with the woman and blah blah blah, but won't. I don't have the energy. For me, it's just, well,... depressing.
(unpause)
Other than that, the show was amazing, and the temporary world that flourished within it- needed. Gorgeous queers in the audience of a thousand genders and well fitted jackets. Fingers jeweled with too many rings because, well, they should be.
Here is to the lad standing next to me with the gorgeous and lithe hands that he kept, for the duration of the show, gently clasped over his awed and open lovestruck mouth: So beautiful a cage that held your adoring lips.
be well; be loved
k.
(visual credit: Egon Schiele: Self Portrait)
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